Words: 507
I remember the sound of breathing. Our breathing was anything but in sync; it was unpatterned and unsteady.
I remember the sound of breathing. Our breathing was anything but in sync; it was unpatterned and unsteady.
I remember our eyes, widening
with fiery hedonism and wild excitement. I loved his eyes. They were green with
specs of grey and yellow. But not just any yellow - not all yellows are this
beautiful and captivating. It was the yellow of sunflowers. The yellow you
think of when you think of happiness or a stupid smiley face. Anyway... they
were beautiful. He was beautiful.
I also remember his touch. It was
almost as if my own skin got softer with each stroke. My day was made with just
a graze. He had a way with me. Head over heels was certainly an understatement.
I was on cloud 9 just from the smell of him.
I loved
the way he smelled - and that’s another thing! He was always so clean and so
neat. That’s probably a weird thing to get excited about, but I can honestly go
days about the little things that make my Sebastian my soul mate - even if he
doesn't necessarily agree. Sebastian is a great guy! He is concerned and very
trustworthy. Not to mention, I could look at him forever.
He
feels like we are incompatible but I personally think its just that we haven't
been together long enough! We started dating about a year and a half ago when
we came into Rutgers together. I had never heard of the town he was from, but
he had a few friends in my hometown and we bonded through that. We started to
hang out every now and then, and we really clicked! We did a lot of activities
together and went out together. I even found his friends and introduced myself;
they really liked me. He met my friends and family, and everything was great!
We were
together for about eight months before he started to act out and say weird
stuff like “I don’t want to do this anymore.” I thought obviously he just
needed some time to adjust to school and having a new girlfriend. After all, he
had never had a girlfriend as caring and fun as me. I opted to just ignore his
moments and give him the benefit of the doubt because like I said, we were and
are soulmates for eternity.
We
stayed together, as I exercised my patience, for exactly another 37 days before
he called himself “ending the relationship” – still unsure what that was
supposed to mean. Now, we are at a weird place in our relationship because he
is really hard to find sometimes and his phone got cut off. When I do see him,
he is always running off to class or work. I didn’t even know his phone was
shut off until I called his mom and she told me! Love sure is hard – its work!
But when you love someone as much as I love Sebastian and he loves me, the
complicatedness of it all is definitely worth it.
Really cool idea to take on her persona here. I like that approach, and I like that you keep it measured and real for the most part. The writing is vivid and specific (37 days...) as she would be. Suck us in with the normalcy before showing anything unhinged. Also, avoid the cliched traps--see if you can keep us on her side the whole time. That doesn't mean you have to make HIM a psycho--it just means that you will have to give her some appealing qualities that make us want her to win. I keep thinking of the show Crazy Ex Girlfriend, and we like that character because she's quirky and basically harmless and breaks into song every once in a while. See if you can strike a balance here---get us to see her point of view. Really excellent fiction writing here.
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